It's funny how the bar exam can feel very different at different times. I mean, I never panic that I'm going to fail since failing would really just knock my overachieving ego and result in some pecuniary loss, but it has absolutely zero impact on my keeping going in my existing job or anything like that. However, I will have a day when I think 'yes, this is good, I can learn this stuff' and then the next day 'oh wow, this was a really bad idea, 40 days is not enough to do all the work I need to do'.

Today I've had a relatively good day. The other day when I got almost 80% in my practice MBE; that was a good day. When I got only a 50 in my graded practice essay - that was an 'OMG I am a lawyer how can I not do this and how can some never-practised, fresh-out-of-law-school temp tutor* make me feel so inadequate' moment. Yet I know perfectly well that I can learn to write the way they want for the bar, even if it has zero resemblance to how I write as a lawyer. It's just parrot fashion, I managed it once in law school, I can manage it again.

But that was not a good day.

*Disclaimer - Obviously this person is more than competent to comment on my essay and the said person has passed the bar exam, which I have not, and his job is to comment on bar essays and he knows way more about it than I do!

Sleepless in...

This week, my study schedule has totally thrown my sleep patterns out of whack. I haven't been able to get to sleep until 1-2am which is really late for me, usually it's between 11 and midnight. As a result, getting up in the mornings is super painful and I haven't been getting up early to study before work. This morning I slept in until 10.30am which was way later than I would have liked and accordingly have missed out on valuable study time.

I don't really care if I study before or after work, but I still hate that after I wrap up in the evenings, I can't sleep for like another 2-3 hours which is like dead time and it drives me crazy!

Studying is going... ok. I'm getting through the material, just worried that I will not have enough time to actually learn it all properly. My first graded essay was a disaster (50), but I hopefully took some of those lessons into my second essay which I submitted yesterday... watch this space!

50 days to go...

50 days to the bar exam.

Flights and hotel - check.
Post-bar exam Vegas trip - check.
Dressing table turned to faux desk - check.
Study schedule check.

Knowing law... erm... yeah I'll come back to you...